BUSH DIARY APRIL 1991:

APRIL 1991:

Today, April 6, 1991 Isaac Asimov died at age 72.  He wrote over 400 books.  I liked his juveniles and robot stories.  He wrote one of the funniest and lengthy puns of all time.  You will just have to look it up as resources become available.  I kept "Death Of A Foy" as an emergency back up speech for years just in case I got caught up in a situation where in I was expected to leap to my feet at a meeting and entertain.  He was interviewed once and asked what would he do if he knew he was dying, "Type faster". 

The Mayor has announced Spring Festival (Puiaggta) which means roughly lets have fun.  Blanket toss is big, tourists really should NOT attempt this, a few have wound up in the ER getting something fractured into a cast. There will be Eskimo baseball that utilized snowshoes and bats and Eskimo fry bread, fritters fried in seal oil.

There was a kerfluffle between a doctor on staff and the mayor.  The doctor objected that she did NOT serve at the mayor's pleasure.  Um nope that is in ALL of our agreements for employment.  And she was unliked by nearly 100% of the staff for many obnoxious reasons.  So she was fired.  From my viewpoint having transcribed her discharge summaries she was documenting inappropriate things and any ambulance chaser would have drooled all over the paper.

My Boss and her husband went on vacation, while they were gone their apartment flooded.  The neighbors helped clean up a lot of the flooded stuff. Ugh.  

Sam Kinison died, he was a side splittingly funny comedian.  We needs more humor.

This week has been very windy and blustery, the increasing sunshine makes for a weird adventure walking a signed birth certificate to the courthouse.  I was blown there and back. I felt so delicate.

Fall out from Judy and Dean's apartment flood.  He called BUECI to see what the water bill would be.  The flood was eleven hundred gallons at 30 cents per gallon.  Judy is a very bright girl, she actually had apartment insurance.  Phew!!!

We have eighteen hours of daylight now and rising.  Gonna need shades.

Public telephones:  All of the public phones in Barrow are coin operated. They work thusly, dial the number, WHEN someone ansers, drop in the dime.  Thats right ten cents, one tenth of a dollar. Cheapest thing you will find to do in Barrow. AND they fill up very quickly.  If you want to use it then, it kind of works when calling a cab, they know to come to the post office.  Which is pretty damn handy.

I put a lonely hearts ad in the local utility newsletter:  DWF age 44, short plump slob virgo. Like books, conversation, humor. Help! Stuck in cocooning mode.  Favorite song, "Since I Fell For You", Lennie Welch version. 

Interesting development.  Apparently there had been a borough wage freeze for the past five years.  Recently part of the budge set aside 6 million for wages and raises. My wage range has jumped to 47k to 64k.  Holy Moly.  I may have to kiss a bear and wrestle an Eskimo or maybe its the other way around.

Yesterday I went with Judy to visit a teacher friend who also carves ivory things on the side.  Judy looked over all the items and selected 700 dollars worth of things to make an absolutely gorgeous necklace.  It consists of miniature carvings of seals, walrus, wolves, whales etc.  The mini walrus actually has tusks made out of walrus hairs.  So cute.

I invited a co-worker and her daughter to my place for dinner and scrabble and Glo cut my hair.  Yay!! I made tamale pie from a recipe I got from the Anchorage Daily News.

I am on some kind of mailing list for catalogs and I get several each week.  These are really spendy ones.  Unbelievable prices.  

I have been asked to be editor of The Northline which is the Alaska Medical Record Association Newletter.  Okey dokey, I have plenty of experience doing the one for the Idaho group.  

Our fun lab guy, Glen Nishimoto is burning out from over work in the lab.  Lab techs are few and far between.  He is originally from Hawaii and has been all over the world and is anxious to continue the journey.  It won't be long I am afraid.

Got a couple nibbles from the Ruralite.  Lemme think it over.

Rodney King verdict.   Can we just get along.

No whales landed in Barrow yet.  The Whaling commission gave 50 strikes to Barrow. About 40 crews are camped out on the ice waiting for a lead to open up. 

Nursing Housing:  All of the housing that used to be the old old 1930's hospital have been either torn down or moved.  New modular housing is coming by barge and should be here in August.  The nurses have been housed in various places in the community and they seem to like being out amongst the rest of the town.

My collection of native arts is growing.  I have a hunter paddling away following the soapstone bear.  I still need something made of baleen.  Can't afford a basket those things go for about one hundred dollars per inch of diameter. Spendy!

One thing I won't be collecting are snowmobiles, motorbikes or rusted out trucks.

Fred Stout has installed the ADT program, Admission, Discharge um T I forget, but we can schedule appointments and it sort of works, Will get the kinks worked out eventually.  And Fred has returned to Los Anchorage.

Had my trip to Anchorage.  Met Mom and Dad and we went to Portage and took the train to Whittier and then took a tour past 26 glaciers, very beautiful.

I bought more gift bags which to decorate my apartment, very colorful.
I purchased a Doolittle print while in Anchorage, "Two Indian Pony's" I love it.

Got a letter from Tim Alden who lives in Pendleton, Oregon.  We will engage in communication.

I am planning a June trip with Mom and taking a long drive somewhere....

I also plan to pack light, one bag, no check in.  This time me and my clothes are having fun same time, same place. Yeah.

The dirt digging part of the new build is underway.  They lay dynamite, cover it with a heavy rope like cover and kaboom, blanket lifts up about a foot, keeps debris down.  The warning whistle is more irritating than the blast itself.

Glen Nishimoto reported that he rode with one of the whalers out to where a whale was taken by the Tukle whaling crew, a 27 footer.  He got there in time for Unaluk, fresh boiled muktuk.  He said he would not have missed it for the world.  He is also going to leave.  We will miss him.

Temp got up to 50 degrees.  It is at this temperature that mosquitos thaw, hatch what ever.  Pray for wind.

Friday May 29, 1991:  A horrible day that started out so joyfully.  One of the local crews landed a whale and most of the town turned out to help pull it up on the beach.  They attached a rope to block and tackle and two lines were manned by about 200 people.  Suddenly the O ring broke and the lines whipped into the crowd killing one native lady and Daphne Perez, Dr Perez' wife.  She worked in Billing and practically single handed started the Girl Scouts.  They were such a cute couple.  I get to do the death certificates.  Jesus.

The beautiful little snow buntings are back with their beautiful bird song. The flocks of ducks are flying around in the thousands, most interesting to watch.

That's it for April.

BUSH DIARY MARCH 1991

MARCH 1991:

Interesting native names:  One of the regular patients is named Fall Leaf.  Wanna guess the first name?  Numerous.  I smile.

On the bus route we passed an igloo in someone's front yard.  It was made of large blocks of ice stacked up like bricks in a more or less square pattern.  The natives were amused, said it was probably a tunik (white) family.
  
Building materials are scarce up here.  There is one small building built out of what gets hauled behind a big rig, it has spray foam insulation on the outside. 

Got a cut and perm at Alma's for 40 bucks.  

Crime in Barrow.  Now remember there isn't that much road to escape from the scene of the crime.  PSO called the hospital administrator to tell her that they found her wallet.  Her house and about seven others had been burgled.  After the perp stole enough money to buy some booze from someone, he stole a car.  He wrecked the car between Browerville and NARL about 2 miles at most.  Now he is in the local jail (House of Blue).

Meet Ron Nalikak, 30 ish, very tall, also know as Ron Puk (big).  He works in ER/Outpatient.  He is a funny guy.  He has shared some of his younger life.  He drank and came close to eating a handgun.  Then he joined the Marines and it changed his life. Semper Fi. I was teasing him about the hickey on his chin and he said that was frost bite. Now, I know what frostbite looks like. 

We have ravens up here.  Big ones.  Do not know what they live on or how they manage to survive the weather.  Ye Gods.

March 25 is Sewards Day, it is a state holiday.  I will be working the reception desk answering the phones.  Ugh!!!! and resupplying the little basket of free condoms.  

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES:  March is the time of year for Girl Scout cookies.  The troop just formed last year so they are very new at selling cookies.  They were nervous about ordering 300 cartons of cookies at a cost of 10k.  The organizers told them they would never sell that many, they would be lucky to sell 75 boxes.  They sold out and could have sold more.  Thin Mints are good.

Horrible Anchorage news:  A man took a woman hostage who had sheltered with friends.  He took the entire family hostage.  He was wearing explosives.  SWAT team negotiated release of everyone but the man and the husband of the house.  They got into a truck to leave and SWAT team shot him.  The other man ran from the truck and the guy blew himself with nasty bits scattered all over the place. 

Spotted while shopping at AC (Stuakpak - big store). Taro root. The local Filipinos lke to slice and fry it.  Yummers.

As I was walking down the hallway yesterday a gentleman was sitting in a chair outside pharmacy.  A woman walked by and he beamed, "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen"  Aw, as I walked by I heard, "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen".  A very happy inebriated gentleman. 

Lively news from home.  This was published under Law Enforcement in The Messenger Index.  March 17, a dog attacking a duck at Fourth and Moffatt was reported.  The duck was able to get away.

Ye Gods and Little Fishes.  Judy sent me to the Borough Budget Hearings.  Ack!  I may have to drive nails into my ears.......

That's it for March 1991.

BUSH DIARY FEBRUARY 1991

BUSH DIARY FEBRUARY 1991:

I have found a uniquely Alaska comic strip.  Called "Muskeg Heights".  The main character is a rather exotic flamingo living up North.
First panel:  She is writing home.  Dear Folks at Home:  This a tough season for a single girl.  That old line about Alaska having ten good males for every female doesn't mention that they all migrate south for the winter.

Odd little tidbit: outgoing mail may be delayed a bit.  Uncle Sam raised the price of stamps but forgot to send any of the new 4 cent and 29 cent stamps to Barrow.  Metered postage it is!!

Security has been beefed up at the MarkAir Terminal.  Instead of street parking next to the terminal, now everyone has to park across the street.  

There was a comedy skit at Messenger Feast.  I asked a native lady at work to translate for me.  Apparently the entire thing involved one guy speaking in Inupiaq a welcome speech to "Sadam Hussein" and the other fellow translated and the humorous part was that the second man deliberately mistranslated what the first man was saying. You had to be there.  

Must purchase a humidifier, I can buy a two gallon one at NARL for 80 bucks.  I HAFTA because I have dandruff on my FACE!! 

I paid two bucks for one pear.

Red Letter Day at work:  Got all the backlog of charts caught up.  I celebrated briefly until Judy ran an error list and now I must go back in and make multiple correction.  Interesting. The backlog was 197 charts.  There was only one incomplete chart because the physician was not done with it. I made 3 coding errors and  data entry errors all of which I spent most of the day correcting. It was a good day.

Finally got my W-2 and mailed off all of my stuff to an accountant in Idaho.  I'm not quite brave enough to attempt Turbo Tax.

Wash day:  I washed my clothes but the dryers were all busy, so I strung up my launder all over the apartment. Strange thing is that due to the low humidity the automatic humidifer I purchased shut off because of the drying laundry.   Interesting.

2-13-91: Very low lying ugly black cloud out over the ice.  Discovered later that this means there is an open lead of water in the ice and the vapor creates the cloud.

Ice:  I got to thinking about slabs of cut ice lying about some of the houses and asked a fellow who works at the hospital, Simmik, how they got fresh frozen ice from the salty ocean.  The man told me that when sea water first freezes, it is very slushy and salty.  The longer and harder that it freezes the more salt is squeezed out and they carefully select ice with lots of air bubbles in the ice.  That is such neat thing, Artcic Ice Maker!!

2-15-91:  Wind chill to 80 below and 90 below through Saturday.  Someone said that there is no such thing as bad weather, just lousy clothing.  Tru dat.

There was a nifty article in the local newspaper.  A group of hardy adventurers kayaked from Alaska to Siberia by way of Big and Little Diomede.  Thirteen kayak's went, five sank in a storm.  The paddlers were rescued by an accompanying motorized ship.  One young couple paddled all the way to Siberia and then to Providenya and met and delivered a letter which was written in Alaska by relatives who were separated by the Cold War.

Saw this advertisement on the Eskimo Channel.  Honey buckets are here decorated in red, white and blue.  Call Joe and he will deliver.  Not all of Barrow is on sewage.

Mowed my lawn this morning, the grass was about a foot tall.  I used my scissors, took about five minutes.  Not exactly the same as fresh cut hay but nice and herby.

War Joke;  Why is it so cheap to train Iraqui pilots?  You don't have to train them to land.

Price Shocker: A pint of strawberries $7.95.  

That's it for February 1991.

BUSH DIARY JANUARY 1991

JANUARY 1991:

My Boss and I drove out to the dump very late at night and saw the Northern Lights for the first time.  They are not colorful here, they consisted of a band of white that dipped sedately towards the earth.  The natives do no whistle at the Northern Lights. 

Some excitement New Year's Eve.  A native man who was described as suicidal pointed a pistol at a cop, shot the cop in his leg.  The cop shot the man and killed him.  My first suicide by cop.

Got all bundled up to go with Boss and her husband to view the fireworks they set off on New Years Eve.  Everyone parks their trucks more or less in big circle around the beach.  The local radio station KBRW hosts the show. The wind was blowing about 40 mph and it was chilly.  They had to keep warning the kids to stay away from the fireworks. They then set the fireworks off and they blew up about three feet and whizzed off in the direction of the wind.  Just like the 4th of July back home except there were no mosquitos and no beer. Next time I will be listening to the festivities on the radio.

Took a ride today to see the south array of radar units.  We spotted the local reindeer herd.  They manage to scrape through the snow and nibble the tundra grass.  The reindeer did not always inhabit this particular area of the North Slope.  There is a big herd called the Porcupine herd that migrates through Anaktuvuk Pass from the Yukon.

At any rate the local natives were having a very bad winter about a hundred years ago and I believe the local whalers organized getting a herd of reindeer from Russia.  They have been here ever since.  The locals hunt them but not until they are gone.

The hospital does not have transcription on site. However, one of the doctors handed Judy a tape on which he had just dictated a discharge summary.  Well, the choices were to mail the tape to a lady in Fairbanks or go looking for some equipment so I could type the discharge summary.  Judy found the unit for playback and I typed the thing.  Easy, Peasy.

I got off early one day and walked to the PO for mail and then stopped at Sam and Lee's place.  It is run by Korean's and every once in a while I hear the gentleman singing.  I like to think of it as Korean Opera.  I found that the place is weirdly segregated.  I walked into the door facing the PO and there were all native men sitting there.  The guy running the place swiftly ushered me into another room.  Okaaaay.  I had the Mongolion Beef and it was GOOD.

The other half of the building that holds the hospital has the health clinic, the dentist offices and the optometrist offices.  All of these people cycle out regularly to the village clinics.  I met Grant Humphry who is the optometrist.  He does Steve Martin impressions, occasionally pokes his head into the medial record department and chortles, "I get paid for doing thisssss!"

Grant also was doing DJ duty during a recent fund drive.  He told the following joke,
"How do you make French toast?"
"First you toast the bread...then you stick your tongue through it!".
I thought that was worth a Friendship Pledge and I get a T-shirt and a coffee mug.

Grant also sponsored a Make a Hat Contest.  The hat had to be based on the white folding paper caps that cooks wear in the kitchen.  MOTTO: WHETHER YOUR WALLET IS THIN OR HEAD IS FAT GET OFF YOUR SEAT AND DESIGN A HAT.
and we did.  I rolled my hat into my typewriter and typed all fabulous words on it and it was deemed a "head trip".  I didn't win but we did all get ice cream sundaes. Yay!

January 15, 1991: The Persian Gulf Deadline.  The local churches are holding an all night prayer vigil and rang their bell at noon for peace.  

The computer at work is finally back up and running. Now I can start working on all the discharge charts since October. Erk.
A friend sent me a care package from Idaho, 5 lbs of cheddar cheese and chips.  Nachos!!!!!

The Mexican place Pepe's North Of The Border is sponsoring a soul food menu; Southern Fried Chicken, Collard greens with ham hocks and black eyes peas. 

Very tense day 1-16-91 listening to coverage of Operation Desert Storm.  

1-17-91 Jesus SCUD missiles.
1-18-91 War coverage seems to have tapered off, much less tension. 

Ate at Teriyaki House for lunch.  Had Teriyaki Chicken with rice and shrimp tempura.

Watched a racquetball tournament at Puirragvik (Not sure but it may translate as place to have fun).  Very nice facility. Weight room, sauna, racquetball court, basketball court.
The high school has an Olymic sized swimming pool that is open to the public in the evening.

Judy and I drove out south of the airport to take pictures of the first sunrise of 1991, it was January 23 1991 at 1:09 pm.  I took several pictures and mailed the film to Carla and called her and asked her to get them enlarged a big as possible.  

Took my Alaska Driver's license test and passed with flying colors.  Only missed one question because I marked it wrong.  I am now qualified to drive a Borough vehicle should the occasion arise (doubtful everything is within walking distance).

It has been a bit windy so much so that the curtains on my firmly sealed windows occasionally puff from the leaking wind. However, my apartment, ALL of the apartments are kept ridiculously warm. And there is zero humidity!! That creates static the likes of which blows up phones if you do not ground yourself before answering them.  Hence the need for lots of plants and a very good humidifier. 

Kigvik or Messenger Feast is going on now.  It does not occur annually but only when one mayor feels like inviting everyone to his town to celebrate.  Kind of like a giant family reunion, lots of feasting and Eskimo dancing and Eskimo games. And it is all broadcast on the Eskimo channel.  Very festive.  I don't think anyone sleeps.

That's it for January 1991.

THE REST OF DECEMBER 1990

BUSH DIARY REST OF DECEMBER 1990:

I discovered that the flush water in the toilet is warm.  That makes sense, as the water, gas and sewage all go into insulated fences between all of the 12 plexes.  Phew.  The fences actually have a stile so one can climb over the fence instead of walking around.  My bosses 12-plex is just across the fence from me but I will be walking around.

Worked on a couple birth certificates with doctors signatures and now will walk them over to the Courthouse.  It is 18 above zero.  I saw someone dashing outside in a T-shirt. 

The temperature rose steadily until it hit 30 degrees above.  That is enough for snow and lots of it.  We have blizzard conditions and the buses are not running.  I have a four day weekend coming up.  Haven't had that since I worked for Fairchild Semiconductor in the 60's. 

My new Queen sized sheets arrived in the mail sent by Mom mail from Emmett.  They look so pretty.

I will spend Christmas with my boss and her husband and a teacher couple.  We will eat until onslaught of nausea, play cards, maybe watch some football.  I am taking a couple of Pumpkin pies.  The kind you can slice and hold in your hand to eat.  Yum!

TV viewing here is pretty hit and miss. TV Guide does not have a chance, so I will have to troll until I find something fun.  I have been watching movies in bits and pieces mostly the end, wait a week, watch the beginning and maybe much later, the middle.  Strange. 

First paycheck was exciting.  I didn't get one.  So boss woman jumped on the band wagon, tracked down the Mayor even and I received a check at 5 pm.  Merry Christmas!!  Note to self: Sign up for direct deposit!!!

My Idaho bills caught up with me.  Ma Bell owes me three dollars.  Wonder if I will get a check? 

Visited NARL (Naval Arctic Research Laboratory), saw some great artifacts and we had lunch.  Very good.

Fire drill at work today:  My job is load up all of the patient index file cards and microfiche and roll the cart into the lobby and wait for instructions.  If it were a real fire I would grab my coat then the other stuff.  Buildings are insulated with highly flammable liquids and if it catches on fire, it burns incredibly fast. 

Got to play pinochle at the Christmas get together.

There was a snowmobile accident.  Two guys going way too fast hit a pipe stand.  One guy got a broken arm and was medevaced to Anchorage.

I have added some pots for plants and put some seeds in. Plants do not get shipped in her, because they freeze by the time they get off loaded and delivered to somewhere even approaching warm.  If someone likes you they will give you their plants when they move. 
I found a cache of books in nurses quarters.  Yay me!  I shall read some of them very happily.

Another polar bear alert in A block.  Do not go out alone, do not go alone.  Hello, Artic Cab? Send one to A building. Latest polar bear alert.  One was shot at one of the local cemeteries.  It had dug down about four feet.  Apparently they don't use vaults up here.

Farm Report:  The parsley has sprouted.  I don't even look at lettuce at the store.

Funny at work:  I was in the department all alone.  Chaos reigned.  Walk-ins started flooding in over lunch hour and I was being called to pull medical records for their visits. At one point a voice came over the intercom and asked me to please pull patient so and so's chart.  I asked if she had the number, no.  This is Susan, remember me?  Yes I remember. I'm still new here please spell that name for me (meaning the patient). And I heard, "S. U. S. A. N."  Um no I meant the patient, followed by five minutes of giggling.
1991 should be interesting.

BUSH DIARY DECEMBER 1990

BUSH DIARY:  December 1990:

I have been reviewing volume One of Seven binders that I wrote over the nine years I lived in Barrow, Alaska. Brace yerselves, it ain't purty.

I originally did not write how I came to be working in Barrow, Alaska.  The then director of the medical record department had been my professor at BSU when I was enrolled in the Health Sciences program to become a registered technician, a two year degree.  She had been working there for a few years and had permission to recruit out of state to fill a position within the department.  She called me and asked me if I wanted to move to Alaska.  I gulped and replied that I knew people could make a living but was it worth it? Yep, twice my current salary.  Sign me up!  

I wrote the following on 12-06-1990
A more memorable portion of the flight involved the stewardesses handing out Haagen-Dazs ice cream bars after we took off from Fairbanks where it was 45 degrees below zero.

The landing in Barrow was beautiful.  The full moon reflected off of the frozen ocean.  I was a brisk and cheery 25 below zero.  My new supervisor kindly met me and whisked to one of the local hotels for the evening.   Slept like a log even with the two hour time difference. I'm on Alaska time up here.

Barrow has three hotels, several taxi services and a sterling little bus service.  The buses run every 20 minutes and costs one 30 cent token.  I take one bus, transfer to another bus that goes to Browerville where my 12-plex is located.  Beats walking.

Water is rationed here.  A load of wash costs one two dollar token.  A single occupant is entitled to ten tokens per month. A person gets used to rinsing out a few dainties.  Everywhere you go you see an amazing variety of efficiency toilets, all of whom are not truly odor free. So a certain pungency lingers.  And there is a saying in Barrow, "If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down". Yeppers. 

The eight boxes that I air freighted from Emmett arrived in fair condition with only a few gouges. Only one thing broke a small Christmas ornament.  My hunk of lawn came through ok.  I had dug up a spade full of lawn from my place in Emmett and packed it in the largest Tupperware bowl I had.  The grow light is encouraging the greenery and I sprinkled some Sweet Allysum seed about the edges.  Garsh, the farming life for me!

Only three businesses remain open during noon hour; post office, bank and grocery stores. (I had not discovered the dozen or so restaurants yet). You can get a nice enchilada dinner at Pepe's for fifteen dollars and a two dollar taco.

The first trip to the grocery store was enlightening financially, a small ham costs 14 dollars, a loaf of bread was 3 dollars and a pint of Mayo was 3 bucks. Samwiches!!!

While, I did miss the official sundown on November  18, 1989, it is not as dark as the inside of old Bossy the cow.  About 10 am the southern horizon lightens to a beautiful blue twilight and then gently fades about 2 pm.  I haven't seen any Northern Lights yet. They are a product of solar winds, the magnetic pole and whims of nature.  I'll let you know when I see them.

I have observed an interesting social nicety which is practiced in the post office.  Everyone must have a PO box because they don't deliver.  The foyer where the mail boxes are located is pretty good sized. The actual business counter is inside a set of double doors where there are two spaces to pick up mail.  Everyone waits patiently in the lobby while each patron goes before the counter.  Very polite and orderly.  If a tourist or newbie barges right past everyone they quickly get sent back to the lobby looking a bit dismayed. Just a little culture shock. 

I have noticed that the native parkas are beautiful.  Most of the outer covers for the ladies are velvet and the insides are lined with sheepskin.  Very warm. I have been told that the best way to "test" the fit and feel of a parka is to wear it naked and check for any irritating seams.

My job is going well.  Working for the Public Heath Service involves forms and data collection that is no usually found in the private sector.  But I am starting to get the hang of things.  They will have me answering phones before I know what hit me.

The people who work here are all very nice.  All of the doctors are on a first name basis.  ALL of them.

The Television Cable company is recognizable; all the usual channels and then some. For some reason our network feed is out of Detroit.  Viewing is pretty much potluck and prime time is over by 8 pm.

I have learned already that "Going to town" means flying to Anchorage.

That's it so far. 

ADDENDUM

Add on to Lottery Dream House.  

I want solar everywhere.  

Wind power, clever hidden wind power not a massive windmill that knocks birds out of the street.

I want waterless water heating units.  

I want a floorboard vacuum system.  

I want the house wired with as much tech as possible. I may never actually use it unless it is voice activated; "Turn up the heat! Fetch me a grape!  

Need massive French drain in the back as I have seen water a foot deep during the rainy season,  just because it doesn't happen each year doesn't mean it won't in future.  

As far as the neighbors on my block are concerned, I will provide year round lawn care, trim bushes etc. 

Repave the street so that is has adequate base for driving and put in type of surface drainage that absorbs rainwater rather than creates run off.  Offer all houses inspection of house to main inspection and replacement.  While road is open have gas lines put in for all houses.  Have all overhead utilities put underground.

OH BITCHUARY

Oh Bitchuary:

My sister, Carla, recently posted that obituaries should be more colorful.  There should be a description of how the deceased did not go gently into the night but hosted a party and invited everyone she knew prior to departure to upper country. I agreed and thought we should have an Obit contest.

All righty, then.  Royce lived way longer than she deserved.  She took risks that would have rolled the Pope's eyeballs back into his head. She was a scholar of sorts.  She preferred fiction in most forms.  She even developed a liking for Shakespeare once she realized there were sight gags. 

One of her favorite activities were scouring the local theater scene and watching everything from Moliere to Dealing with Death dramas. 

On the other hand she did not particularly enjoy going to movies.  The absolutely last movie she attended was as a responsible parent (and the ONLY one there) with her grade school son to an afternoon matinee.  They sat in the loge and there must have been at least 60 children up there, she would only see a bit of the right upper hand screen.  The noise and pandemonium were unbelievable.  She was very relieved that the balcony did not collapse in the well over 50 year old movie theater.

Museums and art galleries ranked right up there, a favorite display was a show involving suitcases and stacks of bibles and Korans.  She went back twice and when she realized that the items were not real, she dragged her girl friend to the show a couple of times as well and gasped in horror when the friend actually touched the stuff in disbelief. What a couple of Rubes!

Books were a constant in her life and I believe she would have fired cannon at any book raiders.  One of her favorite religious books was a Fireside edition of a Catholic Bible.  One of the favorite Old Testament stories was the Rape of Diana. (The name may not be quite right)  Which eventually made it to television entitled, "The Red Tent". 

Royce may not have physically traveled far but she has been as far as Dune and House Arakis as well as other improbable destinations.  She often thought that Heaven would be perfect if the multiverse allowed fictional characters in her world to exist in other climes and translate to the next P-brane with her.  She has questions.

Driving was always fun.  She only had a few close calls and a couple fender benders that involved skidding on black ice and running a leaking radiator dry to Rome, Oregon and being routinely rescued by family.  She did not experience road rage but did flip off a few other drivers.  Tsk.

She thought she was a gourmet cook when in actuality she liked to eat good tasting food and watch the Cooking channels.  Any other cooking was based on a veering approach to recipes and a good solid C grade for not burning the basics, most of the time.  She never knowingly gave food poisoning to anyone.  The dish of chicken hearts and rice was not universally well received.

As far as philosophy is concerned she learned at her Father's knee and that was "Live a good life".  Be honest, give a good day's work, be prompt. Most of that became compulsory.

She always knew she was a better number two, rather than a leader.  Her professional career involved either working in a small department or having some terrific bosses except for a couple of psychopaths who should have been suffocated in the cradle.

She never owned a brand new car. Ever. Her first car was a 1957 Volkswagen. The last car she owned lasted at least 20 years and almost everything got replaced and was at long last donated to NPR, they auctioned it it off as an antique and got a couple thousand. 

She wished to be cremated, the urn may travel if anyone wants to take her for a spin.  And as far as services are concerned, a simple gathering and story telling session would be preferred as well as some tunes.  Nessun Dorma, Aretha Franklin,  Fix Me Jesus, keep it eclectic.  

As far as religious leanings are concerned, she always had a fine disregard for any religion that preached exclusion of any kind as in, if you do not adhere to the tenets, ye shall not collect 200 dollars, she shall not pass Go.  She did get a few missionaries over the years.  Once the local Baptist Minister came by, knocked on the door and demanded how she felt about going straight to Hell?.  That interaction ended swiftly.  Occasionally Mormon missionaries would come about, she enjoyed interacting with the lady Missionaries.  She told them her favorite Mormon joke.  "What do you get when you play the Mormon Tabernacle Choir record backwards ?"  "Jello recipes."

If none of the siblings publish their obits she may cause the ones she wrote to magically appear on her blog.  Just be warned. 

She is survived by her husband, son and daughter-in-law and one grandson, some siblings and some cousins, it's a huge family.  She has posted a link to http://heavenlyhost.com go check out her blog.

PS: This is the one she wants published in The Messenger Index.  Fer reals.

I. WILL. NOT. RETURN. IT. !!!!

THINGS I DID NOT WANT TO PURCHASE:

I love shopping on Amazon.  But you have to be careful.  If you click on the wrong thing, you may receive a surprise shipment.
  
The first time was when I ordered a new electronic camera.  I wanted to take pictures and use those pictures on my blog.  When I got the package, I discovered that there were FOUR cameras.  What!? First of all I HATE returning stuff and won't do it unless someone holds a weapon to my head.  So, one camera was for me.  And eventually my blog site would no longer leg me post pictures.  Hey, Tim, you want a camera? Oh, Good!  Sold one and I think I gave one away but I don't remember to whom.

The next time was when I decided to replace my PC with a small inexpensive Dell.  The package came and son of a gun, there were two computers!  Tim didn't want to break in a new one because he hates Windows 10 and he will only use the new one when the old one melts.  So the second one is in a box sitting on a shelf neatly labeled. 

Just recently I was shopping for Christmas cards and clicked on several to put on my list.  I do not know what combination of list and instant purchase happened but all of those Christmas Cards showed up in the mail.  I'm good for a couple of years now.

I ordered a set of socks and two sets came.  Hey, Tim !!!!

The most recent thing to arrive unexpectedly was a Colo-rectal home test kit.  WHAT !?!?!? For crying in a bucket!   Just did that last month.  Yeesh.

So kids, take a good look when you place your order, make sure the quantity is really what you want. Take advantage of that 30 minute time limit to cancel your order, that is if you can figure out if you ordered anything.  I

t all gets Jeff Bezos closer to Trillionaire status.  He is saving up for a ride on Elon Musk's Moon flight. Jeff, maybe you should have a Surprise Purchase button on the sell page somewhere, scoop up a few more happy shoppers. 

NAMING CONVENTIONS:

During my 35 years in the health information management field, I filled out more than a few birth certificates and learned some very interesting names.

When I worked in Emmett, the only thing I had to provide was the Apgar score. That is assigned by the physician or RN or midwife and assesses the infants respirations, vision, hearing, movement etc. The usual values are 8 to 10. 

When I moved to Barrow Alaska I plunged immediately into the whole thing, interviewing the parents, getting the names spelled correctly, getting grandma's Inupiaq name spelled correctly. 

Occasionally there was to be a tribal adoption.  A sister or an aunt or a friend would agree to adopt the baby.  My job was to take the mothers information. The adoptive Mom was usually there and I would carefully explain that this document would reflect what the Mother wished the name to be but usually both parties had agreed to the name.  There were a lot of adoptions.  One of the girls in the medical record department gave away two of her babies to friends. Some of the really unusual names for instant one little boy is now named Ryan Bryan Cory Craig. Yep.  There is a Captain Bill.  There is a Sarah Junior.

The first birth certificates were paper and had to be PERFECT.  It took me a long time to get to perfect and I sweat blood getting them perfect.  It was an eon later that the State of Alaska announced electronic birth certificate!!! Yay!  No more errors!!  Phew!

After I moved to Coquille I discovered almost immediately that there was an electronic birth certificate program available with the state.  The ladies present in the office did not want to fuss with it.  Lemme at it!.  That was a God's send.  The program evolved into requiring finger print recognition.  That was always tricky and sometimes it was cranky and we would have to call the trouble line to fix it.  

We had a number of Mexican women deliver babies and I learned that the two last names go in the last name place and is not divided into a middle name and last name. 

Unfortunately because of the rising malpractice rates many doctors stopped delivering babies until the last one gave up completely. The new hospital has a beautiful delivery suite with a walk in shower and a next door nursery.  The room gets used as over flow for both inpatient and ER.

ALL THE BOOKS THAT I HAVE LOVED BEFORE

BOOKS:

I have always been a reader of books.  I remember reading the Dick and Jane books in first grade as well as The Weekly Reader and reading an article about President Eisenhower.

My first set of books that I received for a Christmas gift was a Bobbsey Twins, Bert, Nan, Freddy and Sally.  The one most memorable of the many books was the trip to Mexico. Bert got to learn some Spanish, Quidado, Danger and tasted mole and tasted chocolate in the mole.

I discovered a stash of books at Grandma Horns house.  One was all about Barnacle Bill the Sailor.  He had many adventures and even ate a mud pie.  Another set of books were some Ruth Fielding books.  This was the 30's version of Nancy Drew only she went to college and ranches and things of that.  I reread one of those books years later and was a bit horrified to read a sort of joke about Mexicans on a jury and even the sheep ran away.  Yeah. 

We always had books at home. Mom had a subscription to Reader's Digest and we read those books for years.  And we kept them and kept them and kept them.

I read The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew.  Along the same lines I read Little Women, Little Men, Eight Cousins etc.  We had a set of encyclopedia's when I was a kid  it was published in 1947.  One of the volumes deals with children's stories and I always loved and read them.  That set of books went the way of all outgrown things.  Years later, Carla found a set of them and she said there was another set and I asked her to get them for me.  I have them in my library at home.

We were also enrolled in some sort of Children's Literature book of the month and I remember reading Black Beauty and Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. 

During Mom's brief suburban wife phase, we had a subscription to a children's magazine.  These were precious.  We were not allowed to color in them, not to cut out the craft things.  It was my first exposure to Science Fiction.  There was a story about a family who lived on Mars.  I was fascinated that the girl got to celebrate her birthday twice a Martian year.

I talked in another blog about going to visit people. I always looked around for books, it was always disheartening to find no books in peoples homes.  I wondered about the lack of books.  It wasn't a snobbish thing, it was a sad thing.

Dad loved all the classic Westerns.  In later years every time Louise Lamour published another book I would scurry out to buy it for Dad's birthday.  I wish I had known about Tony Hillerman much sooner I would have purchased those books for him as well.  I was always astonished at the wonderful cultural things I learned from those books.  For instance there was mention of the Lincoln Canes.  Apparently Abraham Lincoln sent canes as a diplomatic gesture to countries and kings.  He also sent one to the Hopi Nation and the cane came up missing in one of the books.  I was very sad when he died.  

Then just recently I discovered that his daughter, Ann, has been writing about the same characters on the Rez.  Hot Damn!  I learned a couple of cultural things about Navaho people.  They do not eat fish, it is an insult to offer fish to a Navaho.  They believe that fish are messengers between the gods. Also, a dead persons name is never mentioned out loud.  They are always referred to as "The one who died" and this is to ward off the Chindi (spirits) of the dead.  No one wants them hanging around.  Also the Navaho way is known as The Beauty Way.  I really like that.

I fell in love with science fiction as a teenager.  I read Robert Heinlein's "Stranger In A Strange Land" I had to have a note from an adult to check it out of the library and I was afraid to ask Mom, so I asked an older cousin to write me a note.  I have since read the book several times and gained a new perspective each time.  The basic plot is how a person raised in one very strange culture adapts to a new culture.  It has held up well over the years.  When I moved to Alaska I had a huge yard sale and I had about ten cardboard boxes of sci-fi books that went pretty quickly.  I took a few favorites with me.

During this extended period I discovered PERN, Anna McCaffrey's Dragon rider series and I kept those.  I would dearly love to see Netflix produce that entire series.

When I moved to Coquille, I discovered that the Auxiliary had a book cart and I browsed there and found a romance title I read.  It was a Johanna Lindsay book, "Defy Not The Heart". And I was hooked.  I haunted the local used book store and purchased all the Johanna Lindsay books, all the Jude Devereaux and all of the classics romance writers.

As the years passed I day dreamed about having a book store, but I have balanced on the cusp of selling or keeping.  Can't turn loose of them quite yet. And the sad thing is that I have approached the time in life where I actually need the large print books. Fortunately I have Kindle with scalable font.  Yay!

I discovered the author S.M.Stirling.  He has written a post apocalyptic series that begins after an EMP like event happened.  It rendered the third law of physics useless.  Bullets no longer fired, steam only worked a about a tenth of its former power and so on.  Electricity does not work.  Planes fell out of the sky.  Go read "Dies The Fire", The Protectors War" and "A Meeting In Corvallis".  Fabulous stuff.

Years ago when I lived on Margaret LaVann's ranch for a few months, I would occasionally get invited by her brother Tony and his wife, Letha, to go for a ride.  One day I and Charlie went with them.  They were going to visit a retired teacher and we were invited to feed the racoons. She had a lovely little house on a spit of land that hung nearly over the Pacific. She put some dog food into a pan and several racoons climbed onto the porch and tidily ate the dog food.  As I have collected almost 3000 books of my own over the yeas, I realized that I now have my own much loved library.  It is very eclectic and I have far outstripped the retired teacher.  Granted my tomes are largely fiction and if a dedicated archeologist dug this up in several thousands yeas, I am not quite sure what would be made of the find. I should leave a book with the periodic table in it, any alien culture could decipher that and read the books.  Still they would get a fairly narrow version.

CAN OPENERS

CAN OPENERS:

The first canned product was invented in 1810 by an Englishman and like many inventions it was invented in an effort to feed the English military who were battling ad nauseum with Napolean.  It is possible that empty cans of British beef can be found on American battlefields however, I am unaware if such have every been documented.  

The can opener itself did not follow for several decades. It was invented in America in  1858.  Prior to that the only can opener was a good sharp hunting knife.  

We now live with a plethora of can openers both electric and manual.  My opinion lines up with Alton Brown who only has one single tasking unit in his kitchen and that is a fire extinguisher.  That would rule out the electric can openers almost immediately because you have to have storage and if they come with batteries that may run down or come with electric cords that require detangling.

My choice is the larger ergonomic handle manual can openers.  If it has a bottle opener or some other gizmo bonus!  

I recently watched a clip on my Facebook feed and it was all about how we have been using the manual can openers WRONG all along.  Rather than running it along the side, you should run the cutter along the top. 

Okay, I tried that. Took me a minute to orient the thing properly and then crank, crank, crank.  The lid came off and left a shred of paper label on the body of the can and a razor sharp edge of the can.  Hmm, I sez to myself.  This does not seem right.  I can cut the bejeebers out of myself if I am not careful.  

Additionally, once the can was emptied and rinsed.  I felt compelled to put the can on the floor and smash in the sides to sort of bring the sharp edges to a safer disposal condition.  If my husband dived into the garbage as he often does on Tuesday pick up morning, he would cut himself and bleed out.  That is what he does, injure himself.  We should own stock in Band-Aids.

Using the usual can opener position, rather than put the lid inside the emptied can and smash it, I put the lids in a large empty coffee can and this gets properly disposed of when full.  Don't ask me why, that is just the Alden art of discarding. Note: Some people don't wash out they nasty cans.  Safety first America!!

KUALA LUMPUR

KUALA LUMPUR:

I occasionally watching something from Netflix.  A few weeks ago I found a serialized drama set in Kuala Lumpur.  I am not exactly what the language spoke is but there was lots of English sprinkled in along with the written text at the bottom I could follow the plot fairly well.

There are two cousins who are playboys and whose parents want them each to settle down and marry a good woman.  They are living the good life going to fancy clubs and singing and dancing to Karaoke and the occasional drink.  

There is no cursing.  There are only two endearments, "Honey" and "Dear".  This is a Malaysia and the film is modest to meet Muslim guidelines.  There is plenty of plot.  And of course they drive their fancy sports cars being all bad assed.

One cousin, Shiraz, own and operates Shiraz Inc.  He is the CEO.  It is an architectural business and they build big buildings. 
The other cousin, Farhan, is basically not working but his father wants him to take over one of his companies.  He don't wanna.  The parents worry about when the boys will settle down.

The main girl figure is Nurin. She is a very modest Muslim girl who wears hijab, she can really rock it and she is beautiful.  She is a recent architect grad and is looking for a job but cannot find anything because she has no experience.  Her father knows the father of Shiraz and asks him for a favor if he can get his son to hire her.

Shiraz reluctantly agrees and instantly dislikes her because she hears a hijab and he thinks she is a country bumpkin.  His father leans on him and Nurin is hired.  Shiraz starts giving her crap jobs and becomes very demanding, take back this coffee, again, again and again.  She does not like him and makes funny faces at him behind his back.  In the meantime she is working on architectural plans on an Eco-project.

There is an office rival, a superior acting woman who is also an architect.  She pursues Shiraz relentlessly.  She tells Nurin immediately that she is the CEO's fiancé (English I girlfriend) and to stay away from him.  Nurin rolls eyes.  This goes on constantly and the girl barely shows up for work and no one can stand her especially Shiraz but he is basically too kind and becomes increasingly more desperate in trying to discourage her.

There plenty of plot twists. Jealous girl, hires some gangsters to beat up both Farhan and Shiraz.  Shiraz's father goes into shock and goes to the hospital.  Nurin gets shoved into traffic and winds up in the hospital.

One of the early plot twists is that Nurin gets talked into being a model for a friend.  She wears a beautiful Hijab and a veil.  She collides with Shiraz and he is fascinated by her beautiful eyes and becomes consumed with finding out who the mysterious model is.  Nurin manages to keep him in the dark until the very last episode.

Farhan falls in love with Nurin and pops up constantly.  She cannot see him as anything as a friend.  He pops the question and she turns him down gently. He is crushed and throws himself into managing his fathers property and takes up his prayers to Allah. 

A nasty lecher business guy is brought into the plot by jealous girl.  He really likes Narin and plots to get her alone.  At which point he gives her some tea which has date rape in it and she passes out.  About the time he is making his greasy move, both cousins burst into the office and rescue Nurin.  Ugh.

Shiraz gives up on finding his mysterious model who he loves.  He is very tired of the jealous girlfriend and tells his father to let her run the business.  He is going to retreat to study with a Imam and get good with God.  Nurin is heartbroken.

Jealous girl runs the business into the ground and Nurin find Shiraz and confesses her love.  He confesses his love as well and they marry.

The fancy hijab for the wedding is fabulous and the wedding itself was very interesting. Nurin sits in back on a slightly elevated chair and does not participate.  The men are all sitting on the floor before the Imam.  The ceremony is simple. "Do you, Shiraz accept 300 dollar dowry for Nurin". "Yes" handshakes all around.  Shiraz goes to Nurin and sits next to her and opens the wedding ring box and puts the ring on her finger.  

Very interesting.  25 episodes later, every body is happy.  Even jealous girl repented and took up the Hijab.

SUNDAY DRIVE

SUNDAY DRIVES:

Any or all of the Sunday Drives could start out on any given day depending upon Holidays, summer vacation or scheduled non work days.

These excursions would usually be prompted by Dad.  He would ask Mom if she wanted to go for a drive.  We all listened very attentively.  If she said, "I don't care." That meant ROAD TRIP.
I like to roughly group them into the following categories.

1.  Short
2.  Short with food
3.  Longer with possible overnighter.

The short version was just everyone get in the car.  The drive was usually a leisurely tour of the valley up along the slope.  Mom and Dad would remember each little farm where they lived over the years and also who lived in what farm house.  The kids in the back were bored beyond belief.

The short version with food began with a stop at the A&W for a gallon jug of root beer then a  stop at Albertsons bakery for some maple bars, a couple cans of Vienna sausage or occasionally a whole roast chicken.  Then we were off.  We didn't particularly care where we just knew we got fed.

Some of the visits involved stopping at family friends for a visit.  This would involve Dad going to the front door to see if anyone was home and waving us to get out of the car if someone was home.  If there were kids to play with it was a bonus.  Otherwise it was an exercise in behaving or else and an instant child appraisal of "Oh, you must be so proud".  sigh...

Occasionally, if we turned north at Weiser we knew we were going to Indian Valley to visit with Homer Bott.  A childhood friend of Dad's.  His farm was a wonderful place to visit.  He had a horse named Oscar that was trained to jump up into the back of his pickup so he could go irrigating.  I rode him once and fell and broke my glasses.  That, sadly, was the end of my equestrienne career.  If it was the right time of year we might get to pick strawberries. 

One spring, Dad showed us a weird octagonal shaped piggy bank that he said he was going to fill with dimes.  This was what it would take to get us to Disneyland.  We drove from Idaho to Petaluma, CA and overnighted with Uncle Carl and Aunt Rosalee.  Then drove to Orange county to visit with another old Army buddy of Dad's.  

I am not precisely sure if anyone called ahead to give a warning but there we were a station wagon of five kids, Mom was pregnant with somebody.  Mom, Dad, me, and my two brothers went to Disneyland.  One of the rides was broken so we stood in line until it was fixed.  The only thing I remember about the place we stayed at was that Dad told us that the lawn was planted with a special kind of grass that only grew three inches tall and never had to be mowed.

We knew that if Dad drove to Ontario and kept going through Vale that we were headed to see Uncle Tater and Aunt Fern at either the Cow Camp or their house in Prairie City.  We adored the Cow Camp where we got to run around with nearly a matching set of cousins like wild native Americans and sleep upstairs on beds that had thunder mugs underneath.
  
These travels always involved singing.  Sometimes due to the fact that there weren't that many radio stations or just keeping kids occupied.  We sang a lot of then popular tunes straight from "The Hit Parade", a weekly show.  We sang "This Old Man" which came from "The Inn of Sixth Happiness".  Didn't know about that until I watched it years later on TV.  We sang "Sixteen Tons".  We also sang odd ball songs that Dad knew.  One was "Barney Google With the Goo Goo Googly Eyes" and we also sang "Mairzy Doats"  Mairzy doats, dozy doats and liddleamsy divy, a kiddley Ivy, too, wooden shoe. Translation: Mares eat oats, does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid will eat ivy two, wouldn't you.  This was of WWII vintage.  At some point Mom would quietly turn on the radio hoping for a little less noise.  I highly doubt any of us ever fell asleep on these trips, we were too lively and would also be involved in bouts of corporal punishment in the back seat.  Ah, life on the road.