BARROW STORY FIVE

 

BARROW STORY FIVE:

This is about Neal the canary strangler, probation violating murder.

I first became aware of this man when he appeared for walkin. He needed labs drawn for his job. He was worried about being absent too long from his new job. I told him not to worry. He was about five foot eight, middle aged, about 180 lbs, wearing a jacket with elbow patches. He also wore his hair short and blond. He worked in the local attorney's office.

Patrick told me that his roommate was the lawyer for whom Neal was working. At any rate he was soon fired because he was downloading porn on the office computer. He fled Barrow.

We would have never known anything more about him but he called to have his last paycheck forwarded to Florida. It turns out he was a convicted killer, who panicked at the scene and strangled a canary. I will assume that he returned to prison for parole violation but you never know how things go elsewhere in the lower forty eight.

BARROW STORY FOUR:

 

BARROW STORIES FOUR: Patricks recipe.

When I worked in Barrow at the hospital, I would occasionally eat in the cafeteria, There were only about six tables there and it got very noisy. One day there was a pause in the noise and Patrick said, “..hamburger dildo..”. Dead silence. I asked Patrick what that was all about.

It seems that his aunt, a very conservative Catholic lady had a recipe for hamburger dill roll. It consisted of a large dill pickle wrapped in hamburger meat and fried. I asked what the side dish was and Patrick replied white sauce and two medium sized boiled onions. The family promptly renamed the dish Hamburgery Dildo. We all got a huge laugh out of that one.

BARROW STORY THREE

 

BARROW STORY THREE:

Ricky the Red Headed Hitchhiker. This young man on a nice sunny day decided to hitchhike the Dalton Highway or the Haul Road. My Uncle Darrel drove on the haul road when the pipeline was first started. The Dalton Highway is 414 miles long from Valdez to Dead Horse. There only a couple of stops for fuel and a 256 mile stretch without fuel.

So, Ricky decided that when ever he saw an 18 wheeler coming he would lie down in the road and pretend to have a seizure. The truck picked him up and dropped off at Deadhorse. They did not have medical services and put him on the next jet to Barrow.

He arrived in the walk in clinic carrying an Alaska Airline cardboard suitcase and smelling very bad. He was triaged and found to have cerebral palsy and he was given the opportunity to clean up. The staff could not recommend any treatment for him and put him on the jet to Anchorage.

I like to think that Ricky is still successfully falling into a fake seizure as he travels through out the lower 48 states. I wonder if he has tried Canada?

BARROW STORIES TWO

 

BARROW STORIES TWO:

The Ninja sex change kidnapper. I would ofen man the front desk from twelve to one for walk in clients. One afternoon, a silky voice announced, “I am Michelle K” Okay I looked that up and said I could not find the name. Then she said, look under Michael K. Oh. Would you like me to add Michelle as Also Known As? Yes, please. He/She went on for the walk in. I had seen him in the neighborhood. He liked to dress all in black as a Ninja, he did not have the throwing stars or the swords. He applied to Arctic Slope Regional Corporation for money to get a sex change operation. He was turned down. He was very disappointed so much so that he kidnapped a teacher couple and kept them in their house. He demanded the money before he would let them go. The standoff went on for most of the day. About the time the SWAT team from An;chorage landed, he decided to give up. The sentence for kidnapping in Alaska starts at 99 years. Since he was nonviolent I am sure the sentence was far less than that. I do not think they do sex change in prison, so he probably had to save up his various dividends. I am very sure that Michelle is now happily going about her business.

BARROW STORIES ONE

The mystery of Aunt Mary.  I worked in Barrow, Alaska for all of the nineteen nineties.  I loved it there.  I worked in medical records and sometimes took a lunch time shift at the front desk taking walkins etc. One of the elders came and she did not look well.  She died four days later.  There is no coroner or funeral services in Barrow.  The body must be shipped to Anchorage.  In a week or so the casket is returned and the family views the body in the back hallway by ER in front of a two drawer morgue.  In due time the casket arrived. The family arrived.  The casket top was opened.  That was not Aunt Mary.  It was the body of an old black woman from North Carolina.  Oh dear what happened.  That casket was returned to Anchorage.  In about a week Aunt Mary was returned.  The family came for the viewing and left satisfied.  The casket to be transferred to the Presbyterian Church.  One of the nurses was heard to murmur rather sadly, "You know, Aunt Mary never traveled that much when she was alive."